


let me see the light.

by j2mslittlebitch



Series: angels were never meant to fall. [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode Fix-It: s15e19 Inherit the Earth, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, Episode: s15e18 Despair - Castiel's Confession Scene, Fix-It, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:20:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27655378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j2mslittlebitch/pseuds/j2mslittlebitch
Summary: “Cas, you stupid son of a bitch, how could you do this to us? Tome?”
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: angels were never meant to fall. [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2022130
Comments: 1
Kudos: 73





	let me see the light.

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to fix it. i hope this helped those who fell betrayed and let down as much as i did with the last two episodes. Let me know what you thought.

Dean hadn’t moved, he’d lost track of time since the Empty has appeared and pulled Cas out from in front of him. His phone had rung, Sam had lost interest in being ignored and returned to find Dean against the wall in the kitchen, surrounded by empty beer bottles. He’d been mad to start with, for being ignored and forgotten but when he’d finally stopped mono logging and actually _looked_ around the bunker, he’d come back with the question dripping from his lips that Dean couldn’t answer.

Dean had cried, he’d sobbed until he had nothing left. Sometimes Sam had sat with him, the shell of grief that used to be his brother, and other times it was Jack, the boy strung out on his own grief over the loss of his Father and sometimes, how Dean preferred, they left him alone to drink and mourn in the quiet that seemed to echo the halls of the place that not twenty four hours ago, Dean had considered his _home_.

Dean hadn’t known he could hurt so much. Cas’ had ‘died’ before, he’d mourned Cas a plethora of times before now but none had felt quite so real, quite so _final_ and absolutely none had involved a confession of _love_. Dean cursed himself every second since that fateful moment, he had blue screened for a moment, unsure or _unable_ to say how he felt in return because he simply hadn’t _known_. Now he did, the hole in his chest and the weight of grief that weighed him on told him everything he needed to know. Dean loved Cas back and he hadn’t told him. Cas had died thinking he was unloved, he died thinking Dean didn’t feel for him and that broke Dean even more.

==

It was four weeks from the night Cas was taken from him, Jack and Sam had concocted a plan without him to off God/Chuck. Dean was still elbow deep in whiskey and grief, he had barely spoken to anyone so they had worked around him and their plan had worked. Dean hadn’t been present when they had taken care of him, he hadn’t been present in the lead up nor the execution, Sam and Jack had carried it out on their own, without a hitch.

Dean had spiraled again when Sam had walked into the room and told him the news. With Chuck out of the picture, Dean had snarled at Sam like a wild animal that Cas would be now stuck in the Empty for good, that without Chuck, there was no hope. Sam had raised his eyebrows and his hands and backed out of the room as his brother picked up the half empty whiskey bottle and brought it to his lips.

He hit a new time low when he leaned over the side of his bed and vomited violently, amber and crimson liquid hitting his floor and leaving a stinking puddle behind. He had pulled on his boots and a sweatshirt and staggered from his room, bottle still in hand. He dragged himself up the stairs and out the front door of the bunker and he walked. He walked out into the darkness and across the road and into a field where he dropped to his knees and howled like a wounded animal into the night sky.

His grief was almost palatable, it reached around him and caressed him, gripping him so tightly around the chest that he could barely breathe. His bottle slipped from his hand and into the dirt as he dropped his head into his hands and honest to god prayed.

“Cas, you stupid son of a bitch, how could you do this to us? To _me_?” His voice was hoarse from disuse. “I - I need you. P-please, I can’t do this without you. I can’t _live_ without you.”

“Hello Dean.” There was that voice, so soft Dean had himself convinced he imagined it but he turned so quickly his head spun.

But he hadn’t imagined it, Cas was standing there exactly the same but oh so different from when they had stood in the bunker and Cas had confessed his love for Dean. His clothes were clean again and the blood was cleaned from his skin.

Dean wanted to rush to him, wanted to cling to him and confess but his legs were shaky when he climbed up from the dirt. He rubbed a hand over his face to scrub the tears from his cheeks to give himself a moment to catch up. One minute he was screaming into the stars and then Cas was here.

Cas was watching him with his head tilted, curiously as Dean took one step forwards, then another. They were standing toe to toe before Dean spoke, “Cas?”

A small smile touched the corners of the angel’s lips, “Yes Dean.”

“Cas!” The name exploded from his lips as he reached out and grabbed at Cas’ trench coat, pulling them together until Dean’s face was pushed into the crook of Cas’ throat, the angel hesitated for one moment before he wrapped his arms around the human’s shaking shoulders.

“How?” Dean’s lips moved against Cas’ neck.

“Honestly, I don’t know.” Cas rubbed his palms up and down Dean’s back, trying to offer comfort. “There was nothing and then there was you.” 

Dean moved back slightly, only far enough that his forehead was pressed against Cas’. “Cas, when you - when you said those things, I’m so sorry I didn’t say anything -”

“Dean, it’s fine.” 

“No.” Dean snapped, “it’s not. As soon as the empty took you, I had the words and I regretted every day that I didn’t tell you. I love you, Castiel, more than I have any right too.”

Cas smiled softly, “You have every right. From the moment I seen your bare soul in Hell, from the moment I touched, I was changed. It took me a long time to come to terms with it, you weren’t the only one raised to be ‘daddy’s blunt instrument’ and to rebel, to _fall_ for a human… well it was unheard of - until me. I don’t blame you for being blindsided by my confession.”

Cas pressed forwards then and finally, beautifully pressed his lips against Dean’s. The kiss was soft and desperate and a small noise of need fell out of Dean’s mouth onto Cas’ tongue and it _thrilled_ him. They were both breathless when the kiss ended but they stood for the longest time, still wrapped around each other until they were interrupted by Sam calling Dean’s name from the front of the bunker.

Dean took Cas’ hand in his and pulled him towards the bunker. “Sam, guess who I found?!”


End file.
